Mr NiceGuy
by Anomay
Summary: Short ficlet from Tsuzuki’s point of view. /So yeah, everyone in JuHoCho loves me. But of course - I am nice/


Mr. Nice-Guy  
  
By Anomay  
  
Summary: Short ficlet from Tsuzuki's point of view. /So yeah, everyone in JuHoCho loves me. But of course - I am nice/  
  
*~*~*  
  
Everyone says I am nice.  
  
Yeah, I am pretty nice to almost everyone. I don't discriminate. I smile at all strangers in the most cheerful way I can manage. I comfort them when they're sad. I share my sweets with them. I cry for them when they are hurt. I do everything I can to put a smile on their faces. I don't like to see unhappy people around me. That depresses me. No one but me should be sad.  
  
So yeah, everyone in JuHoCho loves me. But of course - I am nice.  
  
Sometimes I wonder if that's the only reason why they accept me. I wonder if everyone will stop talking to me if I am not nice anymore. If they knew the real me, the monster that I have deep inside my soul, will they stop hanging around with me?  
  
I bet they will.  
  
I still remember the days when I got beaten up on earth just because I have purple eyes. I screamed at them to stop, because I knew I am not a demon, but they never stopped. They never stopped calling me names. They said I deserved it. I used to cry and ran back to my sister, longing for her embrace, hoping that she could somehow make the pain disappear. But she only smiled at me sadly and said that I was a brave boy, and she knew I could endure all these for her sake. I should keep smiling no matter what happened, because that made her happy.  
  
So I kept smiling until my jaw went sore.  
  
But my sister was wrong. They were right. I am a demon, and I deserve to be punished. I don't want to contradict my sister, but she was mistaken about me. I am not brave. I never was.  
  
Even after I was dead, I kept her words close to my heart, so I kept smiling brightly, as often as I could. I still couldn't understand why Tatsumi didn't want me as his partner anymore. We worked so well together. I knew I cried too much, but I couldn't help it. Maybe I have done something to irritate him. I still don't know  
  
Maybe he finally found out what I really am like.  
  
After Tatsumi, not one of my partners could last more than three months. I liked it that way, because it would be easier on both of us. I couldn't handle parting with my partners after I had worked with them for a while. I grew a bit too fond of them. I knew they thought I was too clingy. I tried to keep some distance between us. It was for the best.  
  
Then I met Hisoka.  
  
He wasn't like any of my previous partners. I didn't like seeing how young he was. He died a bit too young! He was irritable, clumsy and detached. I was a bit annoyed with him at first (who wouldn't if someone keep trying to shoot you with a gun?) But after a while, I tried to snug up to him, like I always did with all of my partners. But oh boy, how he poured a bucket of icy cold water over my head! It turned out that he was a telepath. So he could detect my emotions.  
  
No wonder I felt so uneasy when I first met him. My instinct had never failed me before.  
  
I don't understand Hisoka. He acts as if I am annoying most of the time, but when someone tries to harm me, he is the first to rescue me. I don't need anyone's protection. I can defend myself just fine. I can definitely handle Muraki myself. Besides, I don't want to see him put himself in danger for me. He's still a boy. He should take care of himself better. Look how thin he is. He should eat more. He should smile more. A smile suits him better than a grumpy look.  
  
When I tried to burn myself to ashes because it had become simply too painful to breathe, he rushed right into the fire to say he needed me. He said he wanted me to continue my cursed existence for him. I was angry with him. Why was he doing inside the heart of Touda's fire? Why hadn't anyone stop him? He should go and leave me alone!  
  
I was so relieved when Tatsumi teleported in - I knew he could bring Hisoka to a safe place. But he ended up bringing both of us away.  
  
I still haven't decided if Tatsumi had done the right thing. I knew he was thinking about the same thing as well. But I haven't tried burning myself since then because I knew it would make Hisoka sad. It would probably make Watari and Tatsumi sad as well. So I continued to smile for them.  
  
But sometimes, when I woke up from nightmares, I would find Hisoka curling up against my bed, sleeping, providing me company that I didn't even know that I needed. I would gently raffle his hair, listened to his soft breathing until I fell asleep again. I tried not to dream, because I knew a telepath like him would probably feel my pain when I let go of my self- control when I was unconscious. But like crying, I couldn't stop it despite my best effort.  
  
Hisoka often calls me "baka." Maybe I am an idiot.  
  
When I am with him, I feel that I don't have to be Mr. Nice-Guy anymore. I can be sad, I can be angry, and I can be annoyed with him. But I know he will never leave me, no matter what I do. Never.  
  
But I want him to smile more often for me.  
  
It's a fair trade, I think. I'll continue to be a shinigami as long as he smiles once in a while.  
  
I don't have a lot to wish for. But grant me this only one wish, Kami-sama.  
  
And give me more spare money to buy cakes.  
  
~END~ 


End file.
